winterlion | one last entry before sleep (Reply)

I mentioned fearlessness in a couple of different places with different ideas
and honour..

Those who've known me a long time (Hi Thwap!) know I've led kind of a strange life.
I'm not sure -how- strange....
Because of places I've been I have very little fear of anything - except this. I sometimes scare people. I sometimes scare them silly.
Part of the fearlessness I look for is because sometimes -I- can be scary.
Yay I know some of you out there will laugh at that one.

Dinna worry 'bout it.

Oh that and my general fearlessness in a lot of areas will mean I drag people into all -kinds- of strange situations. Bet some of y'all out there know what I mean too *g*. Or am part of a group doing the dragging. I'm not worried. I dinna need to be in charge, just part of the action....

Strangely I suspect Cat will answer this first... I suspect she's led (in her own way) a life as twisted and strange and surreal....

Oh - and honour. Honour means more to me than life. It has kept me alive in situations that some folks have nightmares of -seeing- let alone being part of. I'm not good at describing my code of honour - it's based partly on Arthurian, partly on my own family and partly on street survival honour. I will die before I break honour - and anyone who forces me into it can risk this happening. It almost did this year... I do NOT know what's in my code really - other than what's allowed and forbidden. Some pieces:

Family first
Friends who are close ARE family. No difference. Well not really. I have a really big family....
To harm a child - forbidden - and if it's someone else - they MUST be punished. Hard to resist this one.
I do NOT declare fealty unless I am truely bound by it. When I swear loyalty, it's for life and it could -mean- a life.
I will always help if I can.
Everyone I value is worth more than I. After all, they are worthy people. I have a blindness to my own worth - probably a good thing.
I -am- a berserker. This is a problem as I -cannot- control it. Direct it to some extent but not control it. I thank all that is sacred that I have never killed when I've been berserk - or even hurt anyone in -years-. That capacity is there and much of my honour protects me and those around from this. I have to live with the fact that inside I'm dangerous. It's my job to make sure that never gets out.
I will not (willingly) lie. I -can- speak/write sarcastically, tongue in cheak or whatever. It will always be obvious though. At least to me... and to those who know me well.
I am well aware that most of the time I do not know what is going on. However I trust my own view of it. Please feel free to tell me information that repairs this!
I cannot forgive someone who twists my trust. That (type of) person has no safety near me and should stay away.
If I (knowingly or probably much more likely unknowingly) break a trust the punishment for myself is severe. Don't ask. don't ever ask.
I -try- to thank anyone who does me a good turn. Somehow...
I stay loyal. And I trust. As long a person remains true to themselves - I will trust what they say. It probably isn't safe to lie to me actually - because I -will- believe it.
Never give up. (giving up is bad)
Always do everything possible to finish a job (failure is bad)
A broken thing should be fixed.
Find the faith in a person. Everyone needs faith in themselves.
Trust your friends. Someone who has trust is likely to live up to it.