Coyote's Commandments
May. 2nd, 2007 12:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
winterlionFrom ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
atomicat but this IS a repost here - if I remember rightly.
The Commandments of Coyote.
I. Thou Shalt Have As Many Gods and Spirits and Personal Trainers and Gurus As You Like Before Me, But You Shalt Not Let Them Block the Exits, and More, You Shall Not Permit Them To Take the Last Beer, For That Beer Is Mine. Seriously. Don't.
II. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, But Thou Art Totally Welcome To Admire Her Ass When She Walks By, and If It Happens To Come Out That They Are In An Open Relationship, Dude, Tap That Ass As Much As They Are Willing To Allow. Same Goes For the Ladies. Coveting Is Sort Of Stupid, But Sex Is Just Plain Fun, Unless Thou Art Doing It Entirely Wrong.
III. If Thy Neighbor Says 'Hands Off My Wife, Dude', Thou Shalt Listen and Back Off, Because Otherwise, Thy Neighbor Will Be Totally Justified In Hitting You About the Head and Shoulders With Gardening Tools, and Don't Think That I'm Going To Step In There and Stop Him.
IV. Adultery Is Actually Pretty Fun. Commit It All You Like. Just Make Sure Everyone Is Cool With It, Or I Will Not Help You Out Once the Hitting Gets Started.
V. Thou Shalt Not Eat Poisoned Bait. If You Do, Don't Come Whining To Me About It, Because I Am Very Unlikely To Care. Once It Is In Your Mouth, It Is Your Problem, Not Mine.
VI. Of Course Thou Shalt Kill. Carnivores Do That. Also, Swatting Mosquitoes, Sort Of Instinctive. But All Creatures Are Alive Before You Kill Them, and So Thou Shalt Respect Them In Their Lives and In Their Deaths. Thou Shalt Not Kill Without Reason. Thy Neighbor Tapping Thy Wife's Ass? Is Not A Reason. Don't Make Me Set A Plague Upon Thy Ass. Thou Wouldst Not Enjoy It, I Promise.
VII. Thou Shalt Not Hoard. Seriously, Here. If You Have Enough, Share. Only Asshats Bogart Life.
VIII. Thou Shalt Not Be A Martyr. If You Have One Beer, Drink It. Do Not Give It To Me and Then Expect Adoration. Dude, That Was Your Beer, I Did Not Break Your Arm To Get It. Give What You Can Give, and Expect Neither Praise Nor Worship. You Are Not Being Morally Superior, You Are Being A Decent Human Being. There Is A Difference.
IX. Assume This Is It. Maybe There Is Reincarnation; Maybe Not. Not Only Am I Not Saying, Please Consider the Fact That I Probably Get A Say In Whether You Come Back, and If You Are the Sort Of Person Who Doesn't Do Anything With One Life, Why Should I Waste My Time Giving You Another One? Live Like You Get No Second Chances. You Will Have More Fun.
X. Are You Going To Eat That?
atomicat but this IS a repost here - if I remember rightly.The Commandments of Coyote.
I. Thou Shalt Have As Many Gods and Spirits and Personal Trainers and Gurus As You Like Before Me, But You Shalt Not Let Them Block the Exits, and More, You Shall Not Permit Them To Take the Last Beer, For That Beer Is Mine. Seriously. Don't.
II. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, But Thou Art Totally Welcome To Admire Her Ass When She Walks By, and If It Happens To Come Out That They Are In An Open Relationship, Dude, Tap That Ass As Much As They Are Willing To Allow. Same Goes For the Ladies. Coveting Is Sort Of Stupid, But Sex Is Just Plain Fun, Unless Thou Art Doing It Entirely Wrong.
III. If Thy Neighbor Says 'Hands Off My Wife, Dude', Thou Shalt Listen and Back Off, Because Otherwise, Thy Neighbor Will Be Totally Justified In Hitting You About the Head and Shoulders With Gardening Tools, and Don't Think That I'm Going To Step In There and Stop Him.
IV. Adultery Is Actually Pretty Fun. Commit It All You Like. Just Make Sure Everyone Is Cool With It, Or I Will Not Help You Out Once the Hitting Gets Started.
V. Thou Shalt Not Eat Poisoned Bait. If You Do, Don't Come Whining To Me About It, Because I Am Very Unlikely To Care. Once It Is In Your Mouth, It Is Your Problem, Not Mine.
VI. Of Course Thou Shalt Kill. Carnivores Do That. Also, Swatting Mosquitoes, Sort Of Instinctive. But All Creatures Are Alive Before You Kill Them, and So Thou Shalt Respect Them In Their Lives and In Their Deaths. Thou Shalt Not Kill Without Reason. Thy Neighbor Tapping Thy Wife's Ass? Is Not A Reason. Don't Make Me Set A Plague Upon Thy Ass. Thou Wouldst Not Enjoy It, I Promise.
VII. Thou Shalt Not Hoard. Seriously, Here. If You Have Enough, Share. Only Asshats Bogart Life.
VIII. Thou Shalt Not Be A Martyr. If You Have One Beer, Drink It. Do Not Give It To Me and Then Expect Adoration. Dude, That Was Your Beer, I Did Not Break Your Arm To Get It. Give What You Can Give, and Expect Neither Praise Nor Worship. You Are Not Being Morally Superior, You Are Being A Decent Human Being. There Is A Difference.
IX. Assume This Is It. Maybe There Is Reincarnation; Maybe Not. Not Only Am I Not Saying, Please Consider the Fact That I Probably Get A Say In Whether You Come Back, and If You Are the Sort Of Person Who Doesn't Do Anything With One Life, Why Should I Waste My Time Giving You Another One? Live Like You Get No Second Chances. You Will Have More Fun.
X. Are You Going To Eat That?
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 07:57 pm (UTC)That totally made my day. I am grinning from ear to ear now. Thank you!
My favorite is "Only Asshats Bogart Life", and "Are You Going to Eat That"? :D
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 09:03 pm (UTC)I had my text-to-speech program speak it outloud for me, after I'd read it, to make sure I got it right. Very funny, especially when the program mis-prounounces words.
hehe... "Are You Going To Eat That?" hehe...
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 09:12 pm (UTC)*howling with laughter!!!
Date: 2007-05-03 06:54 am (UTC)On another note, the Project (yes, capital P) is getting on serious track. We will be needing on-line exposure and you're the dude in line for the position. No pun intended.
*head-desk*
I really need to watch what I say, it's like a habit of naughty inuendo is hardwired in my vocabulary. So distracting..
Thoughts?
And a list of technical abilities?
XD
no subject
Date: 2007-05-08 07:52 pm (UTC)Oh that would be funny!
I grew up with tales of Raven, Coyote and others. They're wonderful :)
Someday I need to find a copy of the story "Coyote goes to the grocery store" with its companion "Coyote goes to the welfare office"
(both by a lady who's a professor of (amongst other things) anthropology at UNBC)
Re: *howling with laughter!!!
Date: 2007-05-08 10:40 pm (UTC)Naughty innuendo can be so much fun though...
I have ideas relating to The Project. I also have thoughts. So I shall continue organizing them.
my "instant thought" (and probably wrong too) is to look at promotion sites such as stardustmovie.com - a site picked purely because I find it pleasant. I'm sure there are far better visual designs that could be worked with though.
I have a few more pieces to finish on my recent projects and then am ready to speak (and write) more on this. Actually this is a nice nudge to update my curriculum vitae. wintersgift.com has been static far too long. (more tomorrow)
no subject
Date: 2007-05-08 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-08 10:53 pm (UTC)We all know what Odin's commandments would be like (The Havamal)... but one wonders what Loki's would be? Or Thor's for that matter?
Re: *howling with laughter!!!
Date: 2007-05-09 05:55 am (UTC)Yes, innuendo is a too fun thing.
Ideas are good!!! The more the marrier. That is a very good idea, I need to do that.
Good stuff!!!
You can see the prototype shot that has now been done of me for this thing. NOBODY believes it's me!!! On my LiveJournal.
Almost nobody anyway...
*snort*